Saturday, July 18, 2009


Hello my fellow internet citizens.

I can see that got your attention.

I'm increasingly angry at the barrage of ads I've been getting through blogs and websites adsense adverts for Evony. I could go into why they're sexist, but I think other people have already gone over this and if you don't get it at this point, I'm not going to even try to teach you. What I will do? I intend to share with you some wonderful alternative advertisements that Evony can use.

My point in these alternatives isn't just for laughs. I want you all to post them on your blogs and journals. I want you to save these pictures onto your hard-drive. I want you to make your own. Then I want you to send them to every email address the Evony website has listed on their page. Support, advertising, staff, you name it. I think we should bombard these fuckers just like they bombard us.

And just because you're a guy, don't think that these ads don't affect you. I think it's a great disservice to men, thinking they can lure them in with the promise of breasts and subservient women. It's insulting to men, it's insulting to women. It's the lowest common denominator and I don't think people want that shit on their mainstream, non-porny websites. Usually if you want to see that sort of thing on the net, you have to go looking for it.

It is now popping up in LOLCATS, and on blogs. People are having a HELL of a time trying to get rid of these ads from their adsense accounts. Evony is aggressively finding ways to slip their ads into these accounts anyway.

Coding Horror: How Not To Advertise

BlogLESS: Evony

NFOpocalypse: Civony: Gold-farmers go first party.

BruceOnGames: Don't Play Evony <--- This guy has gone to a LOT of trouble to gather resources and posts about why Evony bites. Give his site a look!

It started like this. This is good. This is descriptive of the game. Strategy, war, knights.

Wait... what? There are no tits in this game!!

This ad I call "TITTY-FUCK ME, MY LORD!"

...Wait. She's - she's not even in costume! WHAT?!




(I swear upon my mother's crucifix, that is a real, honest-to-God Evony ad. I did not make it up.) Either way, a fuckneck's not even trying anymore.

Something occurred to me, however. They're missing out on half the market. Isn't it time they start urging the wimminz to join their awesome-sauce browser game?! Where's our princes? Here's where, bitchez:

We'll start real subtle, see...

Aw yeah, ladies, you love that shit. Then the'll move it on up..

Oh no! Guyvony is in trouble!!

But if you save Guyvony, he'll love you forEVAR.

But this isn't enough. It's vaguely fantasy themed. We want to really shove some man-meat in people's faces! YEAH!

Ooh yeah, some muscular Guyvony! Not enough. Needs more V.

Hmmm... still too classy...

We're slowly getting there...

Still not feeling it. We need to CLOSE IN. DISTILL THE ESSENCE OF EVONY.

Wait... NEARLY.


And if any butt-stain of a dude comes in here and bitches and moans that I'm just as bad as the ads and that I'm objectifying you - WAY TO MISS THE POINT. YES, I'M LAUGHING AT YOU. WE ARE ALL LAUGHING AT YOU.

The last word goes to Xena.


  1. haha... i threw up a little looking at those pictures. their ad campaign is quite ridiculous. i didnt think it was a rts game... thought it was something pornish

  2. Thanks. I loved your "ads".

    I was fooled by their campaign, and was very disapointed when I got knights when I was expecting nudes :-)